I nearly killed a woman in Walmart last week

Now that I've grabbed your attention, I'm going to caveat that with a "nearly killed her with laughter". Ha!

Today's post comes as a result of my linability to have a solely inner monologue and my inability to refrain from answering my daughter honestly when she asks me questions. Apparently this is delightful for those around me. I related this story to a friend at dinner last week and she mentioned that I provide a lot of entertainment. I'm taking that in a positive way, though I'm sure part of the entertainment comes from watching me slowly descend further into insanity. No complaints though because I'm enjoying the descent as well.

On to the story. Some time ago, someone on Twitter (@sarahbellum) mentioned that her deodorant smelled like cookies. This intrigued me and even more so when I found out that the scent of it was called Vanilla Chai and it's made by Secret. I decided that I needed to look into this because I always wear vanilla scented perfumes and this would not clash with that. In fact, a friend of mine thinks it's me every time she smells vanilla when she's out shopping. I also like to think that anytime she's baking and has to use vanilla that she also thinks of me, but that's just because I like to think I'm more important in the day to day stuff of other people's lives than I really am. Occasionally I borrow someone else's perfume when I am going to her house, so I can sneak up on her and she doesn't know it is me. I know, I'm like a 12 year old.

Okay, really onto the story. The rugrat and I were in Walmart last week and since I needed new deodorant, I decided to check it out and see if I might like it. I picked it up and smelled. It did indeed smell like cookies. I determined that it was a little too much for me and place it back on the shelf. Here is where the crazy starts. Malia asked me why I wasn't going to get it and I replied that I didn't think I could handle my armpits smelling like cookies all the time because it was just too much. Unbeknownst to me, there was a lady standing behind me who started laughing so hard she started choking. After a few minutes she had gotten a hold of herself enough to sniff it for herself. She agreed that it did smell like cookies. She offered the advice that vanilla is an aphrodisiac to which I replied that I didn't think I wanted anyone getting the urge to do THAT sort of thing to my armpits because I was pretty sure it was inappropriate. That set her off again. I'm pretty sure that I was the highlight of her evening. She even told me that I was.

So, that is my tale of almost killing someone in Walmart. I wish I could say that this was an isolated incident, but it's not. I just can't seem to refrain from saying out loud the comments that pop into my head. Like the time when Malia was about 3 and a lady asked me when I was due. I looked at Malia and told her "about 3 years ago". That time the lady didn't laugh, but the cashier had a really hard time ringing me up because she was trying not to laugh at the mortified lady behind me. She was still red as a tomato when I was done checking out. I know, it was kind of jerk thing to say, but it was funny in my head so I'm okay with that.

Side Note, as of this writing, Malia has 7 day's in a row of getting greens. She's informed me that she's trying for 20 days in a row. I'm so proud!